Brother Bluto and Dead Porn Star #3.

John Belushi
Jan. 24, 1949 - Mar. 5, 1982
John Belushi died 26 years ago today. A certified comic genius and brilliant actor, dead. And yet Jim Belushi, healthy as ever. Not his fault, really. It just goes to show you that life can suck. You know, Bill Hicks and Sam Kinison are dead, too...but Andrew Dice Clay? Will live to see 80, no problem. 80 and unfunny, but 80 nonetheless. But maybe, just maybe, that's the way it's supposed to be. You don't outstay your welcome. You don't become America's favorite TV dad on According to Jim, but you also don't end up on a VH1 reality series or a crappy sitcom with Cathy Moriarty. You die at the peak of your abilites leaving people wanting more, and the world truly misses you when you're gone. I'll never have that, Andrew Dice Clay will never have that, most people will never have that. But guys like John Belushi, they come around once in a lifetime. I wish I'd known him. Check out Belushi's Wikipedia page. It was amazing the things he did in his life. He crammed into 33 years more life than a lot of us have at 40 or more...or ever will. Well done, my friend.


Lolo Ferrari
Feb. 9, 1963 – Mar. 5, 2000
I wish I'd known Lolo Ferrari, too...but she was no Belushi. John Belushi was the type of guy I'd like to party with, bask in the glow of his sheer personal magnetism. Lolo Ferrari I just wanted to hump. It don't make me a bad person. Lolo has the distinction of having the largest silicone breast implants in the history of the world. Not the largest breasts, mind you, the largest implants. She also did porn...a legacy that her fans can enjoy even today. Wikipedia attributes her death to "natural causes", but she was 37 years old. What sort of "natural causes" kill you at 37? Why Wikipedia didn't mention that her husband was arrested for her murder (by suffocation) in 2002 is a mystery to me.

Edit: The husband was apparently later cleared...which as we know doesn't mean he didn't do it, but that they couldn't pin anything on him. My Consitutionally-protected opinion.