The Oliver Reed Memorial Drinking Binge and Hurl-Off

Oliver Reed
Feb. 13, 1937 – May 2,1999

"Richard Burton was hitting the bottle with Jimmy Hurt the night before his death. He knew it was going to kill him, but he did not stop. I don't have a drink problem. But if that was the case and doctors told me I would have to stop, I'd like to think I would be brave enough to drink myself into the grave."

Before we begin, I'll state the obvious: Oliver Reed was not the greatest actor who ever lived. He wasn't bad, mind you, but I didn't particularly care for his acting. He was hammy and artsy and pretentious. But he had an incredible reputation for partying and drinking and fighting...and he literally drank himself to death. I respect this sort of dedication, and (in the absence of a deceased starlet with breasts larger than her head) this is enough for Oliver Reed to be today's Dead Person of the Day.

I think the reason I never cared for him goes back to my childhood. Back in the days when there were such things as "late movies" on regular (not cable) TV, I caught a showing of Burnt Offerings and the last five minutes or so horrified me. I can't think of Oliver Reed without thinking of Karen Black in the old lady getup pushing him out the window and him landing face-first on the car windshield. I was probably 9 or 10 when I caught this...and while it's not really a scary (or good) movie, it made an impression.

But that's neither here nor there. Him singing in Tommy was just as horrifying, if you ask me. No, the reason I've developed a new appreciation for Oliver Reed is due to the stories of his manliness.

He turned down roles in Jaws and The Sting that later went to Robert Shaw because he just didn't feel like going to California. He was stabbed in the neck while filming The Three Musketeers (1973) and nearly died. But didn't. He got in a bar fight in 1963 and it took 36 stitches to repair the damage to his face. Went on a drinking spree with Steve McQueen and threw up on him. Very nearly replaced Sean Connery as James Bond, but his out-of-control drinking and partying put an end to it (he would have been fantastic, by the way). A legendary adventure has Reed and 36 rugby players drinking 60 gallons of beer, 32 bottles of Scotch, 17 bottles of gin, four crates of wine and one bottle of Babycham -- all in one night.

But the greatest Oliver Reed story is the last one. On a lunch break during the filming of Gladiator in Malta in 1999, Reed drank three bottles of Captain Morgan's Jamaica rum, eight bottles of German beer, several doubles of Famous Grouse whiskey, and beat five much younger Royal Navy sailors at arm-wrestling. Then he promptly dropped dead of a heart attack on the spot, completely avoiding the bar tab (about $900 U.S.). Fantastic.

"I have two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry, the other is to sleep with every woman on earth."

This is a life philosophy I can get in line with. God bless you, Oliver Reed.