No Dead Horse Puns, Please.

Eight Belles
May 3, 2008
Bummer, huh?

You live all your life for one purpose. It's the biggest day of your life. You run fast, you try hard, you come in second, but then you break both your ankles and they come and kill you. In front of everybody. Damn, that sucks.

I mean, really. What's that all about?

You know, a lot of people still think that horse racing is a barbaric sport. I don't think that...but I think it's unnecessary, like boxing. And in my opinion, horse racing is kind of a rip-off. You work for years to get there, you train and spend a lot of money, and it's over in 90 seconds. In many ways I think there's a sexual metaphor there, but I'm not going to be the one to make it. No sir, not today.

The biggest crime of horse racing is that it bores me. Men on horses, wow.

I say put monkeys on them. Only not on horses, on dogs. Yes. Spider monkeys. Spider monkeys on dogs. Those little bastards are nothing but cute. And they're still wearing those little jockey outfits.

Now that's entertainment!