Local Boy Makes Big Splash

John F. Kennedy, Jr.
Nov. 25, 1960 - July 16, 1999
Sure, you're rich. You've never had to work a day in your life. Your dad was President of the United States. You got to spend the family money starting George, a well-meaning but unread political magazine. You got to bang Madonna and Daryl Hannah. It's been a pretty sweet life by most people's standards...but are you happy?

Well, the answer is, of course, no.

No one is happy...because even millionaires want more than they have. That's why you are seriously contemplating running for the Senate. Who could beat you? No one living in the state of New York, for sure. Unless something crazy happens, like some scheming political carpetbagger suddenly moving to New York to jump on it, the job is yours.

It's a good thing you're not running against someone like that...no one gets in their way. They'd Kaiser Soze your ass, removing the memory of anyone that even spoke to you. People who cross them have a way of winding up in the park with all their blood drained out. Allegedly.

But that's next year. Right now you're headed for your cousin's wedding. And it's bad enough that you've got your wife harping on you, but then you've got her sister along for the ride. It's almost enough to make a guy dive his plane into the Atlantic Ocean, just to end it all. Backseat drivers...am I right, fellas?

You relax, assured in the knowledge that your future is secure. You are, after all, a Kennedy. It's a carefree life when you're America's invincible Golden Boy. Wealth, entitlement, and adventure await. You'll be surrounded by loving children and grandchildren long into old age.

Make sure to work that last bit into the toast at the wedding, when you get there...