Men in Dresses? Hilarious.

Milton Berle
July 12, 1908 - Mar. 27, 2002
Seriously. There was a time when fame meant something. You could become a huge superstar just by appearing on TV. It might help to have talent but you didn't really need it.

That's how Milton Berle did it, anyway.

Steal some jokes, wear a dress, become a superstar. It all seemed so simple back then. Sure, it helped to have a legendarily large penis...but did you ever check out a mirror, buddy? John Holmes had a huge unit, too. Never stopped him from being ugly...not even for a minute.

I hated Milton Berle. There never was a time when I thought he was funny. Men in dresses stopped being funny in the 1940s. My hatred probably started with Ratt's "Round and Round" music video, where he put the dress on one more time for Bing Crosby's grandson's band.

He was "Mr. Television". But there were like three guys on TV, tops. He slept with Marilyn Monroe. Well, so did Sinatra. So did Einstein. So would I have been able to if I was born yet. My bad. He had an enormous penis. Well, probably. But look who it was attached to. He was the ugliest person this side of Neil Young.

He just wasn't funny. He was just on TV, back when it mattered. He couldn't make it today, not even in porn.

He sucked.

People should face up to that.